I found myself recently chatting with an old chap from high school no homo and recently came across this memory of this time in physics class junior year. It was towards the Springtime in Oregon, and what a Spring it was: the flowers were blooming and shit. I guess our teacher wanted to teach us the physics of flight or some shit, and so we had a competition: to see who could build a bottle rocket that had the most hang time. Our tools were a empty 2 liter bottle and some construction paper to build wings.

Now, I'll admit, when it comes to science, I ain't Einstein, but it's not like I'm riding the short bus either. In fact, I'd say I'm like the Steve Blake of science: it's nothing fancy, but I get the job done. So, my lab partner was my friend Jimmy, and we had worked very hard in class to build a functional bottle rocket. Once the bottle rockets were made, they were to be filled halfway with water, put on an air pump, get pumped up, and then shot off into the sky. Forgive my lack of knowledge on the inner workings of this process - I was probably high and I didn't even understand it in the first place.

So the fateful day came when we were to go out and launch our rockets to see who would get the best grades in the class. Everyone had left to go out to the field but me and Jimmy, who were putting the last touches on our rocket no homo. When we began to walk out to the field, I felt a feeling in my bladder which signaled to me that I needed to take a piss. So I was carrying the bottle into the bathroom, when I put 2 and 2 together. So I took the bottle in the stall with me, and took a piss in it. Apparently, my body wasn't properly hydrated, cause I was pissing straight yellow.
We walked outside, trying not to laugh and trying to act as normal as possible. I whispered to a couple of my friends what I had done, and they looked at the bottle in disgust. Everyone had filled their bottles with clear, Oregon tap water, but our bottle was all yellow, bubbly, and the piss was fizzing to the top like it was carbonated or some shit. And then, we stepped up to the pump, put our piss filled rocket on, and started to pump air into it. The piss started fizzing even more, and it looked like a fuckin shitshow in there, like a yellow Gatorade mixed with coffee.

Everyone who knew what was in the bottle ran as far as possible away from the launch, but I was forced to launch it. Our classmates stood around in eager anticipation. I launched that shit and ran at the same time, but I wasn't quick enough, and my classmates weren't either. As the bottle took off, my piss rained down on these unfortunate souls like 100 dollar bills in a club. And also, that shit smelled too, like asparagus or something sour.

I learned a lot about myself that fateful day, and in conclusion, I was really happy. The end.

• Yu

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